Do not blame yourself. You did not do anything
wrong. You did what you thought was best at
the time, and you were right because you survived.
Remember your options: it is your choice
whether or not you go to the hospital and/or
report it to the police.
Know that you are entitled to complete medical
care whether or not you decide to report it
to the police. Some hospitals have Sexual Assault
Care centers. York Region Sexual Assault Care
Centre is located at York Central Hospital
If you decide on a medical exam, do not consume
any drugs, including alcohol, beforehand.
If you decide to report it, do not wash,
douche, brush your teeth, change clothes, go
to the washroom, or clean up the area where
the assault occurred. This may destroy important
evidence (but if you already have, it does not
mean that you cannot report it).
Common reactions to sexual assault include:
emotional shock
disbelief
embarrassment
shame
guilt, self-blame
depression
powerlessness
disorientation
triggers, flashbacks
denial
fear, feeling unsafe
having nightmares and sleep disturbances
anxiety
muscle tension
change in eating habits
nausea, stomach problems
anger
* Remember, all of these feelings are a normal reaction.
Although you may “feel” as if you are going
crazy, you’re not; these feelings will subside
in time. It is important for you to take care of yourself,
and get appropriate support to help you get through this.
Adapted in part from the
University of Victoria – Sexual Assault
Centre.
How to Help A Friend
You may be the first person your friend has told about her experience
with sexual violence. As a friend, family member, partner, or peer, your
support can make an important difference. The most essential first step
is to be honest with yourself about how you are feeling or reacting to
the disclosure. You may have intense feelings, including shock, guilt,
or fear. A common reaction is to feel angry. You may blame yourself or
the survivor. Although it is perfectly natural to feel angry, be sure
it is directed at the appropriate person – the offender.
This is what you can do:
Listen to your friend without judgment. Express
reassurance that she is not to blame. You can help reverse
any feelings of self-blame and guilt by placing the responsibility
for the assault on the offender.
Reinforce the fact that she has survived.
What ever she did was the “right thing” to
survive the incident(s).
Avoid looking for what caused the assault to
occur. Do not ask “why” questions as they
imply doubt and blame.
Acknowledge and respect your friend’s feelings.
Avoid telling her how you think she should feel, such
as “you should be angry” or “you should
forget it and get on with your life.”
Reinforce the fact that expressing emotion/feelings
is a valuable part of the healing process and that repressing
the experience or negating her feelings could
be damaging in the long run.
Support your friend’s exploration of her
choices. You may gather information about some
options or offer information about services that can
help. Encourage her to talk to someone – it’s
a big responsibility to try to deal with it all on your
own.
Let her make her own decisions about
what she needs. Letting her make decisions acknowledges
her ability to regain as much control over the situation
as possible. Let her be in control of who knows about
the incident(s). Respect her privacy and choices
around what and how much is discussed. Be patient.
Take care of yourself too. Find a support person
to listen and help you sort out your reactions and feelings
about sexual violence.
Adapted in part from the: “Information
Package on Recent Sexual Assault”, Sexual
Assault/Rape Crisis Centre of Peel; and “A
guide to Sexual Assault Service in Dufferin",
– Caledonia Sexual Assault Advisory Committee.
Peel Sexual Assault Centre (Mississauga)
905-273-9442 (Crisis)
905-273-3337 (Admin)
Coping
If you are living with the effects of
trauma or bad experiences, sometimes it can be
difficult to function in day-to-day life. There
are many things you can do to get through the
day, create positive change, and take care of
yourself.
This is what you can do:
1. Take deep breaths and exhale slowly through your mouth
2. Talk to someone supportive such as a friend,
family member, counsellor, or call a 24-hr crisis
and support line
3. Make some hot chocolate or tea
4. Listen to music or call a radio station and request your favourite
song
5. Make a card for someone and plan when you are going to give it to
them
6. Go for a walk, to the gym, for a bike ride, jog, do yoga or aerobics
7. Make popcorn or order a pizza
8. Plan one fun thing to do tomorrow
9. Make a list of all the movies you want to see
10. Cut out words from a magazine that makes you feel good
11. Pet the dog or hug the cat
12. Imagine a favourite place like the ocean, draw a picture of it
13. Punch or yell into a pillow, pound on your bed, throw ice cubes into
the bathtub
14. Go to a place where you feel comfortable and safe, or create one
15. Read a book, write your thoughts and feelings in a journal
16. Rearrange all the furniture in your room
17. Add your own
